Learning and growth are an essential part of the human experience. Without the desire to learn new things and expanding your existence beyond the here and now, what is there? Stagnance, that’s what.
I have spent the better part of the last two months unmotivated, tired, emotionally drained, and desperate for what’s next. Eventually, winter came to an end in Detroit. For the most part, we are done with the snow and freezing temperatures. This alone is helping to thaw out my frozen soul. Seasonal affective disorder is real, my friends. All the crystals, oils, gluten-free pizza, and cups of coffee couldn’t pull me out of the slump I was in. Snuggles with Bruno and Winnie did help, most days.
Ever feel like you’re standing at the end of the road of your current existence? Like a chapter in your story has ended, but the next one hasn’t been written yet? You know it’s coming, you’re unsure of what it will say, but you’re jonesing to get reading. I’m there with you, waiting. I’m anxious to learn new things, to grow beyond my current boundaries, and to build the next chapter of my life.
Early in February Justin had his second annual PET scan since his bone marrow transplant. While we went into it expecting nothing but positive news, it was an emotionally charged couple of weeks as we honored his transplant birthday, spent a day at the hospital bouncing from appointment to appointment, and received the news that he continues to be cancer free. Since his diagnosis in 2011 this is the longest “remission” he’s had – never before had he made it two years without signs of lymphoma. It’s like the universe opened up the door to the rest of our lives, but I’ve forgotten how to walk through it. I don’t remember the last time I felt comfortable planning for the future, thought about taking risks, or focused on living without being in survival mode.
As if on queue, my anxiety started to creep in – this time it was bringing along it’s friends: comparison and doubt. In case you were wondering, constant comparison, self-doubt, anxiety, and winter are full of bad vibes. Then Mercury decided to go all retrograde on us, causing all kinds of weirdness in the world. It seems as though one thing after another have been aimed at throwing me off my tracks. I suppose, I should be looking for the message in the asinine nature of the last few weeks, but it was easier to bitch and moan.
All of this to say, friends: it’s been a long couple of months.
As things begin to thaw from a long winter and spring brings new life, I am hopeful that growth continues in my own life. I am looking forward to the new. Whatever that may be. The last chapter is already closed, but I’ll be here waiting to welcome the next one. Hopefully I won’t be waiting too long.
Happy Spring to you – I hope you are welcoming your next chapter as well.